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How Far Does Being A Progressive Man Go - For Us?

"Total emancipation of women is dependent the freedom of men to be human."

A friend of mine lives with a man who is a neat freak. But there are some things, she says,

that are just too much to be done by a man. Like buying a set of plates he likes. “I am the

woman, why does he like acting like a woman?

I reminded her of her constant lectures about the need for progressive men in our society. I

watched her face as anger escaped and it wore a shameful façade, realizing her own


I have realized that we want progressive men, but they should not be too progressive for

our liking. “Be good, but not too good.” “Don’t be too soft: that’s gay.” “Don’t be alpha:

that’s cruel.”

I know Progressive men have always been around for the longest time; my father is a

progressive man. He never felt the need to show us he was the man of the house. But there

is no space for progressive men in black communities. If there is, it’s too little.

Progressive men are called all sorts of names in black communities. He is weak, or gay.

Potentially progressive men end up being toxic because of those names. They are filled with

unnecessary shame for showing qualities of an ‘unman’.

Total emancipation of women is dependent the freedom of men to be human. To be able to

admire a set of plates without feeling any sort of shame.

Patriarchy is an old habit, and old habits die hard. We have to be ready for change and discomfort, especially in our own relationships and expatiations.

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